Dear
Prof Brad and classmates,
My name is Shameer and I am writing this letter to introduce myself to everyone. I am a first-year student pursuing a degree in mechanical engineering at the Singapore Institute of Technology and I am fortunate to be in this critical thinking and communication class. A little background about myself, I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic in May of this year, obtaining a diploma in mechanical engineering. Prior to being a diploma student, I studied electronics engineering in the Institute of Technical Education (ITE). From an early age, I have always been fascinated by how everyday things work, such as machinery and specifically automobiles. This led me to pursue studying in the engineering sector.
When
it comes to communication, I consider myself to be an active listener. Being an
active listener means that one must pay full attention on what the presenter is
saying and to ask questions to clarify any doubts. During my polytechnic internship,
I had to attend a project proposal meeting with my supervisor. During the
meeting, the presenter did not elaborate on some points and I had to wait until the end to ask questions. My supervisor then commented that I was being respectful by not interrupting
the speaker during the presentation and that I asked rational questions. However, a weakness
in communication that I wish to improve is my own speaking and presentation
skills. I tend to be diffident in front of an audience, with the usual mind
going blank and being nervous as an excuse.
In
this module, I hope to work on my weakness and to better understand the core of
communication skills. Being able to present in front of an audience is a
crucial skill to have everywhere. Moreover, I feel that learning to communicate
effectively will improve my interpersonal skills in the real world.
Finally, a trait that sets me apart from my peers is that I enjoy taking on new challenges to explore
more opportunities.
Thank
you for reading my letter and I hope to work with everyone together.
Sincerely,
Shameer Khan
Edited: 13 Sep 2022
Hi shameer, some comments: I think generally the flow of the letter is good with many self-experience examples elaborated on. At the 2nd last paragraph "a trait that sets me apart", you can input who are you comparing yourself to!
ReplyDeleteHi Eldric. Thank you for commenting and pointing out what I was missing!
DeleteHi Shameer, here are some of my opinions:
ReplyDelete1. "I am a first-year student pursuing a degree in mechanical engineering in the Singapore Institute of Technology" I think you probably need to remove 'the' because you are not referring to a specific Singapore Institute of Technology.
2. " I studied in the Institute of Technical Education (ITE), studying electronics engineering." You probably want to bring 'electronics engineering in front, like I studied electronics engineering in ...
3. "From an early age, I have always been fascinated by how everyday things work, such as machinery, specifically, automobiles. " I think that you should use 'and' instead of a coma in between machinery and specifically because the term 'specifically' isn't part of your example.
4. "This led me to pursue my education in the engineering sector." I think that the idea of pursuing education does not make sense from your perspective. A suggestion will be like "This led me to pursue studying in the engineering sector."
5. "During the meeting, some points were not elaborated and I had to wait until the end to ask questions." The 'some points' is not a complete idea. Is it "some points made by my supervisor" or "some points made by you".
6. "My supervisor then commented that I was being respectful by not interrupting the speaker mid-presentation and asked rational questions." I feel that the speaker and mid-presentation are two nouns. You probably need to add something in between them for example, "by not interrupting the speaking during the presentation"
7. "I tend to be diffident in front of an audience, with the usual mind going blank and being nervous excuse." You probably need to rephrase the second part of this sentence.
Hi there Lucas. Thanks for pointing out the inaccurate sentence structures and mistakes I made!
DeleteHi Shameer, it was nice reading your introductory letter. I would say your structure for the letter is organised nicely. I did spot some grammatical error in the first paragraph and specifically the line below.
ReplyDelete"Prior to being a diploma student, I studied in the Institute of Technical Education (ITE), studying electronics engineering. From an early age, I have always been fascinated by how everyday things work, such as machinery, specifically, automobiles."
I think instead of using commas, you can break it down as such..
"Prior to being a diploma student, I studied electronics engineering in the Institute of Technical Education (ITE). From an early age, I have always been fascinated by how everyday things work such as machinery and specifically automobiles."
For the second paragraph, the first line.
"When it comes to communication, I consider myself to be an active listener."
You instead say "When it comes to communication, I consider myself as an active listener."
"However, a weakness in communication that I wish to improve is my own speaking and presentation skills. I tend to be diffident in front of an audience, with the usual mind going blank and being nervous excuse."
Are you trying to say that being nervous is one of your excuse for being weak in communication? If yes, I guess you can say "with the usual mind going blank and being nervous was an excuse"
Other than that, I think your letter is good with your points well elaborated.
Hello Aziera. Thanks for reading my letter and noticing my grammatical errors! Hope its better now.
ReplyDeleteHello Shameer, Ridhwan here. Glad to learn more about you through this letter. Your letter is very interesting and clear to me. However, I noticed a few grammatical errors in your letter.
ReplyDeleteOn paragraph 1, " I am a first-year student pursuing a degree in mechanical engineering in Singapore Institute of Technology..." The preposition "in" should be changed to "at" and you are missing the word "the" in front of Singapore Institute of Technology.
Overall, your letter is very well-written. Keep on writing and keep up the good work!
Hi Ridhwan. Thanks for reading and commenting!
DeleteDear Shammer,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this well substantiated letter with lots of personal sharing. I appreciate the content that is well aligned with the assignment brief, the effective organization and the flawless language use. You've done a very fine job providing supporting information for each specific content area, allowing your readers to gain a decent understanding of who you are.
From the discussion of your background and experience, we can see that you have great potential for being a well-adjusted communicator, as person who values others' opinions and managing relationships. It's also clear that you can be motivated to work on your presentation skills during that portion of our module.
I'm encouraged too by all the feedback you've gotten on this post.
I look forward to learning more about you in the coming weeks.
Best wishes,
Brad
Thank you prof. Appreciate your input!
Delete